seems like the excitement's dying down for awhile and lethargy is kicking in. everyone around me seems to be settling down too. i wonder how is chris doing; we haven't really spoke to each other since the last time i met her. think that was with nick as well. we've been going our separate ways for many years now, but i think it's only about now that i feel like we're really walking down our respective forks in the road.

no regrets, you say. go all out. easier said than done, really.

we've moved past the working stage. most of us now have already begun working somewhere towards our career path. the next stage is marriage. it's an unbelievably scary thought that i might have to address it soon, sigh. i'm not ready. i wonder if my mind would change if i went over.

on another note, i'm going to be wearing a pink bridesmaid dress. *wails*

thank god it's simple. no way in hell i'm going to be bobbing around in something that looks like a tutu. it's a funny feeling, that my sister is going to get married next year. i can't explain it. i wonder if you felt this way too? i wish i could see the pictures. and the clock is ticking.

i finished with boys over flowers and speech of silence quicker than i thought. and i've started on full house. what is it with me and tv recently.. i wonder. everyone knows i rarely watch tv. i do hope i'm not neglecting daniel this way though, cause i know i haven't given anything much up yet. i hope it's work time i'm replacing, haha. :3

it's going to be a tough life again soon.

i read this entry somewhere about the soundtrack of one's life and it got me wondering. still musing over it.

uno, do, tres, cuatro. boom. chak. players gonna play.

it's weird; i feel like i have had a previous entry with the same title before. but i have no clue what it was about at all. somehow i doubt the content is going to be the same.. to be honest, i'm not sure why i'm typing this either.

so unlike the "me" these days, really.

i've just updated linkages on clasped and i plan to continue updating it. :O don't know what's coming over me.

work has been very lethargic lately, if i could actually describe it that way. i think it's causing me to become tetchier by the day. and more inefficient.

i have this urge to go back to HS5. =\ maybe i could play on the Malaysian version, who knows. Audition's seriously lack of 8kers, and it's annoying sometimes when i have to change to accommodate people. i think the problem is that i generally try to be a nice person, haha.

gee, maybe i'm itching for change. hey, that literally just popped into my head.

i've been on this massive shopping spree in the past two weeks. i've bought everything from shampoo to cream to shoes to bags to clothes to pencilboxes to punchers and staplers. i was so tempted to splurge on this large turquoise ring file that would've cost me approximately RM15 (but i figured that was a little bit too pricey for a normal ring file.) can't really imagine my dad's reaction if i were to tell him, haha. AAA files are like.. free at his office maybe.

i wonder what i should do at work tomorrow. just stole some random tvb serial from meiying earlier. mwehehheheh. can still remember her reaction when i said i wanted to watch earlier, instead of helping her clear her review notes. =p

i'm bopping my head to Fergie's Glamorous. i think there's something wrong with me.

you know you're in malaysia when the acrid stench of decomposing urine hits you even before you've stepped foot into the public toilet; and as you recoil and step gingerly into a cubicle anyway out of desperation, you're greeted by the "welcoming" sight of the small bin overflowing with toilet paper, sanitary napkins and god knows what else, in addition to water (i hope) everywhere in your small cubicle.

today is the day i first felt so chastised ever since i began. "okay, " i meekly replied, and put down the phone quietly. it's not everyday that someone makes an impact on you; an impact significant enough to change your life and make you want to hope and dream and wish you were a better person, more like that person.

i've started hoping ever since. and i've felt that i've made progress -- slow as it may be -- towards that hope. but today, i feel like all that is just maybe an illusion. perhaps it's not real and it's simply a projection of my wants. it's amazing what one person can do to you when he/she is important enough.

life's like that sometimes, isn't it? you want something so badly until every little thing that could point to it begins to seem bigger than it really is.

--

or maybe it's something you don't want so badly.

to this day i can hardly believe it happened. i can honestly say i haven't had my fair share of cliche stories. i still think that maybe i was just past due.

i'm still shit scared at the thought of it happening again; sometimes i worry about how it's going to be like in the future if i'll have to go through it again. i wonder what sort of emotional and mental mess i'm going to be.

i can recall with perfect clarity when i noticed the slight changes. when i close my eyes, i can relive the moments so easily -- worry, anxiety, fingernail-chewing, frantic brainstorming.

i don't think i will ever forget. i don't think anyone can make me forget.

--

once again, i'm ever so thankful for having her in my life. i can't imagine how is it people go through their whole lives without having anyone in the same capacity.

sometimes i think that if one day she's no longer here, it just wouldn't be the same anymore. a part of me would go too.

there is nobody more special.